That Undeniable Longing: My Road to and from the Priesthood

This fascinating memoir begins with the author leaving his home in California at the age of nineteen to enter a seminary on the outskirts of Rome. The seminary has a resident "saint" who is later discovered to be far more human than spiritual. The author struggled to be faithful to his commitment by suppressing his emotional needs, and thought about changing his life, but eventually ended up at the North American College, the premier American seminary at the Vatican. Sexual identity became an issue for him and many other within the seminary walls. This identity crisis reflected a greater conflict between the spiritual and the human: could he be a truly spiritual person while he was at war with himself? Mark Tedesco entered the seminary in 1978, was ordained in 1988 and served in the priesthood until 1994. But he slowly began to realize that in order to be a complete person, he would have to leave the priesthood and find his own way. He finally understood what it meant to embrace all of his past, all of his experiences, both good and bad. He came to accept that the flesh and the spirit do not have to be at war. This is the engrossing story of the one man's struggle with himself and the church, resulting in a redemptive happiness and peace. It deals with such questions as the search for meaning, spirituality versus humanity, faith in God and being gay. It is very timely, especially now that the Vatican has begun to investigate gays in seminaries.